Dare I Start Again?

I'm thinking of starting to blog again. It initially started as a way for me to feel like I was somehow connected to the world "out there." Being a stay at home mom can at times feel very...limited, lonely, dare I say...boring? Way back when, I had little contact with the outside world. My days were filled with diapers, naps, pureed squash, and Desitin. The kids are 9 now, going into 4th grade, and I've found a healthy balance between motherhood and "Me." Well...sort of. Baby steps.

There have been many nights I've lied in bed writing a post in my head, thinking "maybe I'll start again tomorrow." Well today is finally that day (I say "well" a lot, don't I? I also seem to use quotation marks a lot. Hmmmmm.")

Well, Let's see if I write again tomorrow. Maybe I'll just shoot for one a week for now. :)

Week in Suburbia

We had a fun week. We had my family over for a BBQ Monday. Labor Day is usually reserved for RD's family, but due to some friction in the family, I felt free to make other plans. I used the excuse that I hadn't heard of any plans from his side - which isn't untrue really, we didn't get the invite until days before, but it's just one one of those assumed get togethers. But hating confrontation and awkward encounters, having my family over seemed quite refreshing.

For reasons I can't share (don't you hate it when people do that? sorry!), his sister isn't speaking to us, nor is she speaking to his mom. This is new territory for me. This is family. Family deals with things, right? I'm a total wienie when it comes to confrontation, but family is family, and you work things out. Right? Well...hard to work things out when the parties in question refuse to even take a phone call. So this should make the holidays interesting. Only time will tell...

Let's put the family drama aside...onto the rest of our week. The kids started preschool. Yeaaahhh!! They go two full days and one half day a week. Time to party!! I originally signed them up for one full day and two half days, but given kindergarten next year will be five FULL DAYS, it was recommended to me by several moms to sign them up for 2-3 full days this year to make next year's transition easier. So as much as I'm enjoying my "me time" right now, I'm also very conscious of this being my last year with the kids before the rest of their lives begin. School. Wow. They grow so fast.

RD went to Chicago this weekend for a golfing trip with some old college buddies. My mom and I took the kids to see Disney on Ice Saturday. They loved it. Last time we went to this arena it was for the circus, and we didn't make it past intermission. This time we made it to the end, with the kids wanting more. They're so much fun right now. Stressing me out to all limits still, but they "get" so much more. They're awesome.

Saturday night I went to the pre-party portion of a bachelorette party. It was the fiancee of one of RD's friends. I had already told her I would attend, so when I found out the party bus was leaving at 10 p.m. for FOUR hours, to say I panicked is an understatement. I'm 34, party days far behind me, I have three kids to get up with at 7 in the morning. So when I heard there was a pre-party party, I was all over that. Luckily I got away with attending the 8-10 festivities, then hopping in my mini-van to take my fuddy-duddy ass home. I have to admit, seeing all the girls dressed up in their...ah-hem...clubbing clothes took me back, and just for a second, a quick second I wished I was joining them (not that I have anything in my closet that would put me even close to what these girls were wearing). And if I had RD home to help me with the kids in the morning, I probably would have, but my 2 a.m. nights are over. I think I would've been good until midnight, then I would have been staring longingly at the door, dreaming of my soft bed. When SA came down at 1:20 a.m. asking me to fix his covers (grrrrr), I looked at the clock and just had to smile at myself. Ahhhh...that bed felt good.

Things they say...

AR has been a bit too honest lately. I had to have a talk with her after having pictures taken, when she pointed out what a big lady our photographer had. Not wanting to make a point of it at the scene (you know a four year old would say, "But, mom, she DOES have a big belly"), I saved the talk for the car. I told her that it's not a nice thing to day and when she asked why, I explained that it could make a person sad...blahblahblah...

Next day in the car I hear AR fake crying, so I ask her what's wrong, to which she replies...

AR: I just told myself I have a big belly. Now I'm sad. Boo hoo hoo!!

Then today, prepping her for a family party we're having on Labor Day...

Me: AR, when we have our party Monday, if someone with a big belly comes over, what are you going to say?

AR: pausing to think...Don't come in.

Me: trying so hard not to laugh...No, AR! No! You don't say anything.

Oh boy.

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SA: Mom...after we borrow (a.k.a. rent) the Spiderman Venom movie, can we borrow the Batman Scratch movie (I don't know what that means).
Me: Sure, honey.
SA: Because I sure love Superheroes. Right, mom?
Me: mmmm-hmmmmm (busy cleaning)
SA: Because I don't like princesses. Right, mom?
Me: Right, hon'.

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I walk out of my room, all dressed and ready for the good ole' family photo...

AR: Mom, you're pretty like me!

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After learning we were just at school to see the room and meet the teachers...

SA & SJ, one right after the other: AW SNAP!

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After cleaning SJ up from an "accident"...

SJ: You're a good mom, mommy.

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Out of regular popcorn, I gave the kids kettle corn for snack...

SJ: This doesn't taste like popcorn. I don't know what this tastes like. I don't like it.

Jon & Kate Plus 8

I used to be a fan of this show, but I'm finding it hard to watch anymore. Okay, that's not exactly a true statement. I find myself watching for different reasons now. Being the mother of multiples, I was obviously interested in "just how did they do it?!". I can go off on a tangent here on just how they do it...let's see...a personal chef, donated EVERYTHING, free all-expenses paid trips, people to do their laundry, people to fold their laundry, people to mow their lawn, but that's not my beef. First, who knows how much of that is true, and second, you should be allowed some perks when allowing a filming crew in your home to document your family's private moments for all to see.

What gets me is Kate. How she talks to her husband really makes me sick. The whole Mother Hen role really gets under my skin. She pecks and pecks and pecks at every little damn thing Jon does. HE IS A GROWN MAN. YOU ARE HIS WIFE NOT HIS MOTHER. AGAIN, NOT HIS MOTHER. I know several couples that, for lack of a better term, have assumed these roles. Hey, I guess it works for them. I certainly shouldn't judge, but then I'm not tuning into them every Monday evening. And I know, I know...if it bugs me so much, why do I tune in? Um...I don't know. I just do. It's like a car crash. I just can't look away. Did any of you see the Greatest Moments and Embarrassments episode? Every time they called her out for something, she turned it on Jon. Heaven forbid she just suck it up and admit she was wrong. The poor guy had to sit there while she tore him another one. AGAIN. She'd admit she didn't handle it well, but it was his fault...and if he knew better...(and this one she says all the time) if he loved her, he wouldn't act that way. Blech. Poor guy.

And then the kids. The poor kids. Let them be kids! They can't get dirty...she has a massive meltdown if they get anything on their clothes due to the HOURS she says she spends getting stains out (I may only have three, but I find this hard to believe)...she threatened to throw away one of the boy's lovey's b/c he got gum on it, and was SCREAMING, "three year old's DON'T CHEW GUM!!!!!!", when someone else (who also got a speaking to from her) gave it to them while babysitting. I could go on and on, but if you've seen the show, you certainly don't need a recap from me.

Anyway, she's just really getting under my skin. There are a dozen other things that bother me, but you can read them all for yourself. Here is a website Aunt Jodi's (Aunt Jodi being Kate's brother's wife who USED to babysit the kids until they had a falling out recently) sister has started...

"Truth Breeds Hatred"

Again, who knows how much of it is true, but I really wouldn't be surprised.

Here's another interesting website...

Gosselins Without Pity

And the family's...

Six Gosselin's

I know they have spoken out about the back lashing they've been getting lately. They had a message posted to their viewers on their website last week, but it got pulled down after a day or two. I know it's got to be hard to hear people saying negative stuff about your family, and I feel bad slamming them...or her rather...but when you put it all out there for the world to see, you have to know and accept that people will judge. With all the negative press that's been circulating, I can't help but wonder how long the show will last. I know its ratings are through the roof right now, but at some point it's got to be time to send the film crew home and live a normal life. The kids themselves are becoming pseudo-celebrities, and as a mom, I just don't see that as being a good thing. But then...those free trips to Disney, free tram rides through the zoo, and private shows with Elmo sure would be missed.

At least she's learning it somewhere

Me: Come on, guys. Get your flip flops on, we're going outside.
AR: Yeahh! Guess what's outside, mom?
Me: What?
AR: Literally batting her eyelashes and twirling her hair... Air. And air is so beautiful.
Me: Yes...yes, it is.

And she's only four

AR sleeps every night with a pink and white stuffed puppy named Penny. As I was tucking her in tonight she realized she didn't have her in bed with her.

AR: Mom, I want to go get Penny.
Me: I'll get her. She's downstairs. As I rush off to get her I hear AR screaming, "I want to get her! Not you!" but in a rush to get her to bed I continue on.

As I hand her Penny...
AR: MOM! I told you I wanted to get Penny! Not you!
Me: I'm sorry, hon, but we need to get you to bed. Trying to divert my sweet Princess' anger... Now do you want to carry her up or do you want me to?
AR: I want to! Mom, I'm so mad!
Me: Here we go... I know you wanted to, sweetie, but I heard Penny calling for me to carry her up. She said she wanted me to bring her to you. The best I could come up with. At least I was trying.
AR: MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Penny is not a real dog! Penny is a toy, mom! A toy! Stomps off to bed..... Mom, I'm so mad at you right now.

Then comes the kicker...

AR: She reaches out, rubs my cheek and says...But I still love you, mommy. I'm mad, but I still love you.

Priceless.

Randomness

You know what drives me nuts? The space invaders in classes at the gym. You're in your spot, they're in their's, and as the class goes on they slowly make their way into your space, pushing you further and further away from whatever spot you chose...and probably chosen with good reason - under the fan most likely or within good view of the instructor.



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I once read somewhere that 4-year olds ask an average of 400-something questions a day. So I guess that means I have an average of 1,200 questions thrown at me a day. Yea, that sounds about right.



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I've been contemplating getting a cleaning service. I seriously feel like a robot on auto-pilot most days. Not the mommy-part so much, but all the in between, before, and after stuff. Picking up, putting away, laundry, wiping up, dusting off, laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, dishes, laundry...and the list goes on and on. We've been go go go lately, and it's so hard to keep up with the everyday house stuff. Thing is...the kids will be starting kindergarten next Fall ('09), and I don't want to have to stop having a cleaning lady once I have one - and I know once the kids are in school full-time five days a week, there's no way I can justify even to myself paying someone to do what I can do myself. I know...I'm a broken record. If I go back in this blog, I've "contemplated" on getting a cleaning service time and time again. But a girl can dream, right?

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I've fallen into a bad habit that pre-parenthood, I swore I would never do. Separate meals for us and the kids. I'm doing Weight Watcher's and RD works most evenings, so I'll do my Lean Cuisine meal, salad, whatever, and I'll make the kids mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, etc. That I guess is okay; but the nights RD is home and I make a MEAL, I'm usually still making them mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, etc. SJ, God love him will eat usually whatever we put in front of him, but SA and AR are pretty picky, and I usually just don't want the fight, so I give in. I've finally decided enough is enough and I'm trying to stand my ground. I made spaghetti tonight. Kid-friendly, right? SJ, as expected, gobbled it up, and to my surprise SA did as well. AR...forget it. She pouted and repeatedly demanded chips for dinner. Yes, chips. We said no and refused to give her anything else. For the remainder of the evening, and from her bed, she was crying saying she was hungry. She couldn't sleep because her stomach was growling, etc. This killed me. I felt so bad, but I know I need to put a stop to playing the short-order cook. This is night one, let's hope I stay strong in the meals to come.

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I recently joined a book club. There are several of us girls in bunco that are always sharing our thoughts on the books we've read, we finally decided to make an official night for this each month. Our first book is "A Million Little Pieces". I am having the hardest time getting through this book. First, I hate his writing style. It reads like this...

Warren speaks.
How are you.
I speak.
I'm fine.
Are you sad?
No.
Want to go to dinner?
Yes.
We walk.
I'm not hungry, but I go anyway.
We enter the cafeteria and it is crowded.
Even though I'm not hungry, I eat.
I eat.
I eat.
I eat and eat until my stomach is about to burst.

It annoys the piss out of me!!!!!!!!!! Then...it doesn't help that I saw the guy on Oprah and didn't like him. For those that don't know...he wrote this memoir, then it turns out to be mostly fabricated. Oprah called the author (James Frey) out on his overly-embellished stories, and left him stuttering and looking like a complete idiot. That stuck. I went into this book not liking the guy, and knowing he made much of it up, has taken away the shock of the story. I read mostly fiction anyway, so I don't know what it matters, but...it is what it is. Can't wait for our next book!

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I've eaten way too much this weekend. I swear I feel the skin on my ass stretching.

Two Thumbs Up

Watch out, world, I saw two movies in one weekend! Friday night I went to see Mama Mia and Saturday night, RD and I went to see The Dark Knight. They both far exceeded my expectations.

I was looking forward to Mama Mia, but having never seen the live production, going into it it was just another movie to me. I LOVED it. I'm not a fan of "shows". I've seen Wicked, The Lion King, The Sound of Music, among others, but it's not something I like to make a habit of. I drag my feet the whole way to the door, but admittedly I usually end up enjoying the show.

Mama Mia was funny, touching, and a whole lot of fun. There's a scene where she sings "Slipping Through My Fingers" to her daughter as she helps her prepare for her big day. I challenge any mother out there with a daughter to keep from crying during this scene. Then the next scene is Meryl Streep singing, "Winner Takes it All" to Pierce Brosnan (who is a horrible singer btw, but so gorgeous you just don't care) on the beach, and the waterworks returned. I wish someone would've warned me to bring some Kleenex. Who knew?!

The dork that I am, I rushed out Saturday morning and bought the soundtrack. The kids have been dancing and (mimicking my) singing right along with me. It's been a lot of fun.

Then lastnight was the big night. SA's big night that is. We were going to see The Dark Knight for him. Sure, we wanted to see it, too, but truth be told, it was our duty as Batman's biggest fan to go where he could not. There's been hype for months, and I've gotta say, it didn't disappoint. Heath Ledger was phenomenal in it. Oscar-worthy? I don't know about that. But he did steal every scene. It was long, and it was weird, b/c there were several times it seemed like it was over, then it just kept going. Had it not been for my very full bladder, I wouldn't have minded. And I've promised SA that when he's a big kid like me, I would gladly watch it with him. And sweet boy that he is, he's promised to hold my hand when I get scared. So sweet.

Wasting My Breath

RD was watching the Homerun Derby the other night, so I should have known better than to speak. I was talking to him, or at him rather, for a few minutes when I noticed he still had the glazed over look in his eyes he gets when he watches anything sports. It's amazing he wasn't drooling. Really. Anyway...I said,

Me: You're not listening to me.
Me: RD! You're not listening to me.
RD: Looking dazed... Wha?
Me: Seriously, RD. I've been talking to you...standing two feet from you...and you haven't heard a word?
RD: I'm watching the game.
Me: Y...e...a...you can still talk. Did you hear any of what I said? How can you not hear me?
RD: If you want to say something to me, you need to say my name first and then I'll know you're talking to me.
Me: BLANK STARE
RD: Returns to game
Me: You're kidding, right? You're the only one in the room! Who in the hell else could I be talking to?
RD: BLANK STARE
Me: Nevermind.

On Today...

Michael Caine (edited...I originally put Keaton...oops!) and Morgan Freeman were on the Today show this morning promoting The Dark Knight. The kids walked in and saw a picture of Batman (Christian Bale) standing behind the Joker (Heath Ledger) and froze. I had to rewind (gotta love DVR!!) and pause so they ALL could just STARE...





Then, of course, SA couldn't watch without being geared up...




July 18th can't come fast enough!

Shooze

AR and I went out and bought ourselves some shoes yesterday.



AR's incredible deals from Target.



AR's shoes from Famous Footwear



Mama's shoes from Famous Footwear


We went out to get shoes for her, but I couldn't walk in and not get something for me now could I? ;) I'm loving my new orange sandals!!

Beautiful Sunday in the yard

SJ


SA and AR

The Dark Knight

SA: Mom! Mom! The new Batman scary movie is coming out! Can I see it?
Me: No, honey, it's for grown ups. It's too scary, sweetie. It's not for little kids.
SA: But you know what? You and dad can see it. Then...then you can come home...you can come home and you can tell me all about it. Right?
Me: That's right. We'll do that. I'd like to see it.
SA: Oh good, mom! Oh good! That's great! Are you excited to see the new Batman scary movie?
Me: Oh, yes. Can't wait!

Things they say...

Me: (For the 10th time) SA, put on your jammies NOW.
SA: Stop it, you crazy egg!

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Driving to school, a brightly painted Charter Cable bus passes us...

SJ: LOOK! The Scooby bus!!!
SA: Hurry, mom! Catch it!
AR: Is Daphne in there? Mom, I want to see Daphne! Hurry!

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SA: Mom, what did you do when you were a kid like me?
Me: I played with toys.
SA: What kind of toys?
Me: Dolls. I loved dolls. And I also liked Hot Wheel cars like you play with.
SA: That's neat, mom. Hugs me. I like that.

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Putting the kids to bed, RD working night shift...

SJ: Mom, I don't want daddy to be at work.
Me: I know, honey, but he'll be back in the morning.
SJ: But he won't be here while we're sleeping. He won't be here to protect me. There's bad guys and monsters...and he won't protect me.
Me: I'm here, sweetie! I won't let anyone get you.
SJ: Looking worried and not at all convinced.
Me: Mommy will protect you. Isn't mommy okay?
SJ: No.

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What's repeated several times a day, every day...

AR: Want to see how beautiful I am?

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AR: I really like those things on your belly.
Me: What things? These freckles?
AR: No, those things (pointing to my breasts).

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SA: Mom, my belly hurts! It's your fault, mom!
Me: MY fault? Why is it my fault?
SA: You let me have two snacks, mom. Now my belly hurts!

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SA: I am vengeance. I am night. I am Batman.
Me: I am scared.

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SJ's first joke...

SJ: Why did the puppy poop on his head?
Me: Why?
SJ: Because he was stinky!!!!!!!!!
All three kids erupt into laughter.

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Me: SJ, you get off that couch now and get your jammies or you're going in time out!
SJ: You send me to time out and I'm taking my shorts off!

Guess How Much I Love You

Every night since AR was about six weeks old I have sang the same song to her. She was very colicky when she was a baby and required constant holding, constant attention (some things never change!). I would sing different songs to her, but not being to up on my nursery rhymes, I soon made up my own song.

Guess how much I love you, AR, AR
You're so special to me, AR
You are the world, you're a special girl
Oh, how I love you, AR

Guess how pretty you are, AR, AR
The boys are already knocking at the door
Just to see your smile, drives all the boys wild
That's how pretty you are, AR

Guess how silly you are, AR, AR
You got your brothers laughing all the time
Just to see your smile, makes it all worth while
That's how silly you are
That's how pretty you are
That's how much I love you, AR

I have visions of singing this to her at her wedding. I love this song and love that she loves this song. She's sang along snippets of it with me a few times, but has recently been singing it with me start to finish. As she sings, she sits up in bed, closes her eyes, and sways back and forth. It's precious. Then when we're finished she claps her hands and says, "I did it! I did it!".

Well...as you can imagine...the boys ask why they don't have a song. How do you explain to four year olds the requirements of a high-maintenance baby? ha! It's as simple as them just not needing a song; she did. So AR has allowed us to share her song with the boys. Sharing her song to her means, we let them hear it, but I do try to work their names in now and then. :)

Thinking ya missed the point

As I was putting laundry away in the the boys' room, I hear SJ calling my name from the play room - over and over again. Going in to see what he wants...and seeing RD sitting four feet away from SJ...

Me (to RD): If one of the kids calls for me (which it's always "MOM!!" they're calling for isn't it?) and you're sitting RIGHT THERE, can you please find out what it is they want instead of me having to come from another part of the house to help?

RD: Was someone calling for you?

Me: (He must be joking. Please tell me he's joking.) SJ's been calling for me.

RD: What does he want.

Me: SIGH...He wanted his pants buttoned. You're right there. I'm just saying...it would be much easier.

As I'm walking away...

RD: Well, what are you doing?

Seriously. Keep walking. Just keep walking.

Little Blessings

I'm feeling a whole lot of love for my kids right now. They're growing so fast. I find myself staring at them, amazed at how much they've grown, in both body and mind. They're so smart, so funny, and so darn cute.


We've got some family drama going on right now and I've been a bit down, but these kids keep picking me up. For all the stop that's...keep it down's...leave her alone's...knock it off's...you're going to time out's...I'm sending you a thousand I love you's.

You kids are amazing and don't you ever forget it!

I'm an idiot

The kids were all excited wanting to swim in our kiddie pool. I went out right after breakfast to fill it up. I peeked out the window close to an hour later to see how it was filling up (it's pretty big), to see that it was still empty. I hosed all the grass out from yesterday, found the perfect spot to set up, placed the hose in there...and forgot to plug it up. So I was basically watering the yard. Doh!

Soon, kids, soon! I promise!

Bad Habits

Help me. Help me. Help me. I'm in a size 8. I've been in a size 8 for several months now...I must focus. Must focus. I've come too far to give up now. But with all the summer bbq's, birthday parties, pool parties...I find I'm slipping into many of my bad habits. I'll start back over tomorrow...I'll get back on the program after this weekend's parties...a few bites won't hurt. I've never gotten this close to reaching my goal...EVER. Now these size 8's are getting tighter and tighter...time to snap out of this cycle!

This is going to be a rough summer.

Sunday Randoms

To the guy behind me at the DQ drive-thru: I was waiting for my change, a-hole, so lay off the horn, would ya? I was stopping for a much-needed chocolate cone to help relax me after a stress-filled day, so thanks a lot for adding to my foul mood. Just what I needed. Jerk.



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A big thank you to the guy at Schnuck's that 'well-helloooo'ed' and winked at me today. Maybe not classy, but seeing that only happens once or twice a year anymore (and that's being generous), I'll take it.



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I just finished reading The Other Boleyn Girl. I LOVED IT. It was so good. I highly recommend it. I liked it just as much, if not more, than another book I read recently and really enjoyed, Pillars of the Earth. These are both books that I would not normally pick up on my own, but after much persuading decided to give a try, and I couldn't put either down once I started them. Excited after reading the book, I rushed right to Blockbuster to rent TOBG movie and was very disappointed. It's a fairly large book, so I realize they couldn't include everything, but the movie seemed so empty. If it wasn't for me feeling vested in the people in this powerful story I had just read, I don't know that just by watching the movie I would've cared what happened to them. But I will say, after reading this book, I can't get enough of Tudor History. There's endless info on-line, and it's addicting. If you haven't read this book, please do. You won't regret it.

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I did it. I was "that person" at step class the other day. I fell. UGH...I FELL. I'm so bad at paying attention. Once I get comfortable with the steps, I'll find myself going over my to-do list or running down my grocery list. We were doing these reverse step maneuvers...everything was going just fine when reversing back the heel of my foot just caught the edge of the step and DOWN I went. Of course when I went down I was half on, half off the thing and the step made this loud clatter against the risers. Luckily I wasn't hurt. My pride was a bit bruised, but other than that, no marks to show for it. That'll teach me to check my lists at the door.

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I got a new minivan a few weeks ago (Honda Odyssey EX-L RES in Deep Cherry Pearl...LOVE IT!). I got my first scratch on it and darn it I DID IT! ARGH! I was leaving Sam's and pulled the cart up to the back of the van so I could unload the kids and goods, when I noticed it got a little too close to my back bumper. So I tried to edge it away carefully when it just moved the wrong way and made this horrible sound against the bumper. It happened so fast, I dont' know what the h*ll I did, but I stewed over it off and on all day. I was wondering...do I get it fixed...ask for touch-up paint to do it myself? It's so small, I know I'm being crazy over such a small scratch that probably no one else will notice. But you know how it is when you get a new car...I've been washing it every weekend, actually carrying our crap in every day - where in my old van you could always count on several empty Diet Coke cans, straw wrappers, candy wrappers, forgotten toys, barretts, you name it. Sigh. I'm sure this is the first of many scratches to come, so I guess I'll let it go for now. Sniff.Sniff.

Wanted: Happy Medium

Penis is a big word in this house, and all too often on display. Why must kids be so obsessed with privates and poop? It's all bobo's and poo. It's the reason for many sitdown discussions with the kids (SA in particular). Finally...why now, who knows...but finally the "your-penis-is-your-private-area" talk finally made an impact.

But it's starting to snowball...

Now the boy who was so proud to show his boyhood has taken it to a new level. AR was waiting her turn outside the bathroom...creeping in impatiently, as is a constant occurence here, SA starts shouting, "Get out! Don't look at my penis! It's my private area! Get out!!" Then tonight when they were all getting their jammies on he starts crying, shouting, "Oh no! Now everyone's going to see my bobo! They're going to see my private area!" Sigh.

Poor kid. I know it's confusing. You throw all these rules at them, but they're all accompanied with 'but when's'.

Maybe mom needs a book. I need help on dealing with these questions. Oy.

My "Pool Boy"

Big Bald Guy at the Gym.

That's what I called him. A nice piece of.............eye candy. What inspires me to go to the gym? That Louis bag that is so close, so close - AND - that bald, beautiful trainer with the Carpe Diem tattoo on his calf. YUM-MY.

Okay, I don't go to the gym TO SEE HIM, but it sure doesn't hurt. The guy is sex on legs. I just don't know how else to describe him. The big muscles, the tight "Trainer" shirt, the bald head, gi-normous tat on his leg...the guy's just sexy. He just looks like a bad boy...like...... Okay, I'll stop. RD told me that himself when, yes, I was telling my dear, good-humored husband about the decor (a.k.a. personnel) at the gym.

The problem (not the obvious 34-year old mother ogling the very-early-20-something-year old boy at the gym) is that today while working out, he was working out beside me. I got the unfortunate privilege of hearing him speak. Hearing the 20-something things come out of his mouth to his buds at the gym...the sexy facade is gone. Gone. Darn it. Darn it. Darn it.

LOUIS! LOUIS! LOUIS!

Time Well Spent

Daddy's on vacation. Need I say more? It's wonderful getting to spend time together as a family. It's wonderful having someone to...ahem...sort of share the everyday responsibilities. It's great having RD around in the evenings to play cards with me. Here comes the big BUT...

Let's just say RD's patience runs a bit thin. And when daddy's crabby, everyone's crabby. Being the primary caregiver, primary disciplinarian...you know what works - or at least try to fake it pretty well. When you're with the kids 24/7, you learn to pick and choose your battles. Is the boys shrieking loudly while they play hide and seek getting on my nerves? You betcha. But you can also bet I find those deliriously happy screams a lot more tolerable than the deliriously angry screams of boys sitting in time out because they wouldn't play quieter. I can list a 101 more examples, but you get the idea. RD is picking at every little thing the kids do.

We were out shopping for a rug (with three kids in tow...who's crazy now?) when RD kept flipping out because the kids wouldn't stay RIGHT-AT-OUR-SIDE. I made a snippit to RD about him needing to keep his temper under control, when I realized I could stand to pick my battles more wisely myself.

It's only a week. It's only a week.

My How Time Flies

I was bored - or a better way to describe it was...looking for anything other to do other than the obvious (clean, laundry, etc.) - and was playing around on the computer, when I decided to pull up my ole' blog and read back on some of my old entries.

I started it in '04, but man, reading some of those old stories it seems like decades ago. It made me glad to have all those stories in writing. Funny stories of old neighbors, friends, and best of all, silly things my kids did in their first 2 years. It's amazing the things you forget.

I was quoting to RD the things we'd said to each other, the funny things our kids did (and some of the not-so-funny), and reminding him of our crazy neighbors that lived across the street from our old house. He, like me, had forgotten so many of those details you'd think would just stick. But they don't. Some things make you laugh, some make you cry, some make huge impacts in your life, some are forgotten before the day is through - whatever the story of the day is, it's priceless being able to look back and remember when.

I had so many "my children are so wonderful" stories and an unbelievable amount of "I've got the best husband in the world" stories. I was telling him about the latter and he said, "Gee thanks." I asked him why he said that, and he responded, "Well you say that like you can't believe you ever said that." It's not that...it's just...our marriage has its ups and downs like any other, it just made me smile to read so many positive things about him, us, our kids. It made me look at where we are today and appreciate things just a bit more.

Life gets so crazy you forget to do what really matters. At least I do. I need to get down on the floor and play with my kids more. I need to stop saying "In a minute" EVERY time one of my kids tries to get my attention. It's so hard, but I need to try.

Have you heard that new Trace Atkin's song, "You're Gonna Miss This?" It gets me every time. It's so true. All the craziness that goes on everyday...the good, the bad, the ugly...all of it...there's going to come a day when I'm going to miss this.

Reading back on those old entries of when they were babies, I already do.

Just Breathe

Am I a bad mom? I tell ya...some days I really feel like it. I do my best. I really do. I start my day with all the best intentions, but then they start screaming, whining, crying, hitting...and all my good intentions go out the window. I have prided myself in being a patient mom. A mom who listens. Who thinks before she reacts. Some days I am successful. Other days...I'm waiting for a neighbor to knock on my door to ask if everything's okay.

I think my kids are good kids. I do. But even the best of kids have horrible moments. Unfortunately some days have more moments than others. Some of those moments are...GASP...in public...in front of...GULP...witnesses. Before having kids I remember seeing other people's children have tantrums in public. I did what, let's face it, what most people do...watch and listen to see how "the mom" is going to handle it. Sure you try not to look like you're watching/listening, but it's hard not to when World War 3 is going on right in front of you. I would think two things, 1) My kids will NOT act like that in public. They will know better, and 2) If I was that mother I would have handled that totally different. Well...as I said, that was before I had little monsters of my own. I say monster in the most loving way. Like I said, my kids are good kids. Viewing other kids I often think, "Wow...my kids are so much better behaved than their's." Sounds awful I know, but you get so much negative as a mom, sometimes you gotta throw yourself a bone. As I often do...I'm getting off track.... let's just say I've eaten my words. I handle each moment the best I can. And of course the way you deal with something at home is almost always going to be different than how you would handle something in the middle of say Target or Home Depot. I wonder how many future mom's I've encountered while braving the stores with my three children - how many of these women said to themselves, "I so wouldn't have handled that that way" or "what a brat!" To these women...you just wait.

What's prompted me to post an entry after how many months? I'm tired. Exhausted. At my wit's end. Over-f-ing-whelmed. Maybe it's because it's summer...maybe things will get better once preschool starts again, but I feel like my role as mother has been replaced with the role of Referee, they do nothing but fightfightfight; and let's not forget housekeeper, cook, social coordinator, driver, and wife (you know what wifely duties I'm talking about). I'm spent. I complain to my husband and his basic response is that "don't you think I'm tired?" or something along the lines of "you're doing what every other mom has to do...what makes you different?" He totally misses the point. I'm not saying he doesn't work hard. I know he does, but that doesn't take away from what I do. And I'm not saying I'm the only overworked, underappreciated mom/wife out there. No I'm not in a unique situation, but that doesn't make life any easier.

I love my life...it's just...so damn hard sometimes.

Um...thanks...I think

I'm now down 14 pounds, 25 to go.

So RD and I were lying in bed lastnight when he says, "I can tell you've lost weight. I used to fall into you (demonstrates by rolling into me), now I can just lie next to you without falling in."

Gee, thanks. He's got such a way with words.

The Louis Diet

For those that have been with me since I started this often dusty blog, my weight has been a constant battle. Many moons ago I set a goal for myself and my husband agreed to treat me to a shopping spree for new clothes should I reach this goal. Well, initially this excited me quite a bit. But the excitement and motivation soon wore off, as buying clothes isn't so much a treat as a necessity. Sure it's fun, but if I need clothes I buy them. I don't need a magic number on the scale to give me permission. I want something, I buy it. So the scale has continued to hover near the numbers I thought it never would. But alas, there is a new challenge. A new motivation.

If you know me, you know I'm not a big clothes horse anyway. I've just recently bought a bunch of new clothes (Ann Taylor Loft is my heaven), but it was strictly out of necessity. My closet was in serious need of help. What I do love is nice purses. I have several Coach purses, a Kate Spade, and a Dooney & Burke, but what I covet is the purse almighty. A Louis-Vuitton. My husband can handle me spending $100-$300 on a purse without going over the edge, but $1,000+, um, out of the question. As much as I love purses, even I know this is a ridiculous amount to spend on...well...almost anything. Yet I want one....SO BAD. My mom had one when I was a child and from then on I always loved them. They're timeless.

RD and I had just bought a new scale and were exchanging our goals over breakfast. He's wanting to gain 20 or so pounds, I'm wanting to lose 30 or so...okay 39 to be exact. He said, "I tell you what. You get to your goal and you can buy your Louis purse, and wallet. You can get whatever you want up to $2,000." Me, "GULP...mmmm'kay!" Now I know my husband still thinks we'll never be spending this kind of money on something so superficial, because he doesn't think I'll ever lose all that weight. But yearning for something so bad...not to mention the size 8 I would so love to be...is a powerful, powerful motivation. And...well...I just love proving RD wrong. heehee!

To update...so far I have lost 9 pounds - 30 to go! Wish me luck! Ahem...again.

Our House in the Middle of Our Street

I had one of those book parties the other night. As soon as I agreed to do it, I regretted it. I used to do umpteen parties a year (i.e., Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, etc.), because I'm a total sucker when put under pressure, but finally decided to stick to one. One of my best friends is a consultant for At Home America, so for lack of a better term, I give her my business. I went to an Usborne book show a couple months ago and was impressed with the books. It's hard to feel guilty about purchasing books for your kids, so I thought why not. The why not is you have to provide food, invite people who would probably rather do a million other things than go to yet another party, but it was done, agreed upon, so I did it. Feeling somewhat guilty about just having had an At Home party back in September, I didn't invite the whole lot. You get your usual bunch that always comes, the usual bunch that never comes, and of course the ones you never hear from. Given the limited number of people I invited, the usual crew that was set to attend amounted to 7 - and given my track record of inviting people to my house (harhar) - 4 showed up. These four were at the previous party I went to that I signed up to do the party, so the consultant skipped the whole sales pitch and we just sat around, ate food that was too fattening, and talked. All in all it was a good time.

I was looking around at my clean house the next morning - admiring the sparkling cleanliness that surrounded me. Since it was a small party, all the cleaning that went into the party stuck. It was still clean! Yeah! As I was loading my Diet Cokes into the refrigerator - four to be exact, I'm trying to limit my addiction to a reasonable number - I was basking in the joy of only having laundry on my to-do list for the day. Laundry is a given. It's on my to-do list EVERY day. What should happen next? I drop one of the cans on the floor. Dropping a can on the floor is a normal occurence, no big deal. You just push it to the back to let it settle, and grab one from the front. But not this day. No. This day it busts open, spinning in circles, spraying soda ALL OVER MY SPARKLING CLEAN KITCHEN. AR starts crying, totally freaked out by what had happened; the boys think the whole thing is hysterical and take the opportunity to run at lightening speed and see how far this wet floor can send them (which was into the Dining Room btw). So now there's sticky soda on the floor, the cabinets, the fridge, the wall, the pictures on the wall, the couch and coffee table (hearth room), the counters, and the chairs at the island. These are the kinds of moments where you just want to run out the door crying and maybe, just maybe, never come back. But you take a deep breath, stick the kids in front of the t.v., and start scrubbing. Because as always, today is just another day, and this too shall pass.

The Nagging Post

One of the reasons I stopped blogging before was because all I ever did was bitch about one thing or another, well, that's a great thing about having a blog. All those things you can't say, well just vent away to the anonymous world.

I'm stressed. The kids are three and it is proving to be the hardest age for me so far. They're constantly battling each other, me, RD...my chest is always so tight...I'm always so damn tense. Everything's a test. How far will they let me go? It's driving me insane. I love my children immensely, but I feel like I'm spending too much time not enjoying my children. I feel guilty typing that...I feel guilty just thinking that...but I need to find some sort of balance in my life. I can't keep waiting for things to get easier, because that's not going to happen. Sure, some things will get easier, but bigger challenges still await. I realize that. The only thing I can do is find a way to deal with things better. But how? I don't want to be the mom that looks at this as a job. I don't want to keep going through the motions, you know? Because that's what I'm doing. Going through the motions. I need to find my place. Find my purpose and embrace it. Wow...now I'm sounding a bit dramatic...but damn, I have to do something...

Now for some totally random thoughts that have irked me over the past weeks...

You know what really pisses me off? When I'm putting my groceries on the check-out belt, and the person ahead of me has all their crap spread out, instead of pushed/stacked together. It's nice to get started putting my heaping, overflowing cart of groceries on the belt when I have as much as I do. It's really aggravating when the person in front of you has...let's say...milk, grapes, tampons, cheese all in a line...spread out on the belt, when they could scooch them together so I could start unloading. I'm just saying.

It's inevitable...it's bound to happen, but every time we have a party or holiday at our house it seems nearly half cancel. It's frustrating. Last Thanksgiving we started with 27 planning on attending, come the night before (of course once all the food was bought) we were down to 10. TEN! We had a BBQ this past weekend and had 7 cancel (which 2 of ended up coming anyway). Kids were sick, etc. Totally understandable, and it was still a good turnout, but frustrating nonetheless. Again, it's just bound to happen when you're having people over, but it's my blog and I can still bitch. :)

Why am I such a sucker for house parties? You know...the selling books, house stuff, etc. parties? I'm having a book party this week. It always sounds like such a good idea at the time...you go to someone else's party and they give you the spiel about how you'd be helping this hostess out, you'll benefit as well...sure! Why not?! Then the time comes and I have to ask myself, "Why did I agree to this?" Ugh. I'm such a pushover.

At the gym, there's only a limited number of elliptical machines that have the arm thingies (sorry...don't know correct term) that you use along with the stair-stepper part. That's the machine I like...and it really ticks me off when someone uses it and doesn't use the arm part!!! When there are plenty of other stair steppers w/o the arm thingie if they're not going to use it. I know the arm thingie ones have great fans overhead, but if you're going to use that machine...USE IT!

Okay...I'm done for now. I feel much better. :)

Potty Training

AR was a piece of cake to potty train. She walked up to me one day and said, "Mama, I want to wear big girl panties and go potty on the big girl potty like you." I put her in big girl panties and she's been in them ever since. That was 8 months ago. The boys on the other hand...not so easy. I've made several attempts, and I KNOW that one of the worst things you can do is to be wishy washy - putting them in underwear, then back in diapers, then back in underwear, and so on - but after cleaning up the pee and poop of two boys for several days, you might consider throwing in the towel, too! We even had to switch schools. The preschool they were registered at (which was where they went for "Mommy's Day Out" last year) has a NO DIAPERS policy. I tried and tried and decided instead of pressuring the boys, I was going to let it happen when it happens, and change schools. Now...I wasn't totally bummed about this because the only school that would take them (other than one that I vetoed immediately after just a phone call...long story) was one that I had wanted all along. But this place is pricey. Crazy pricey. But the kids need some schoolin', right? And we can afford it, we (or I should say I) just need to do some re-prioritizing. It's super close, and several of the kids in the neighborhood go there, so there will be many familiar faces.

Back to the potty-training...the school Director said it is their school policy as well that the kids be potty trained, but she's willing to work with us. Quite frankly, I think they just really want our business, but whatever. She said as long as we continue working with them at home, they will work with them at school as well. She said that she will tell the teachers that she will be responsible for whatever messes there are if it becomes a problem. Sooooo...here we are. They start September 4. SA has made remarkable progress. I'm close to saying he's potty trained, but not quite yet. He's made it as long as two days without an accident; and he rarely has more than one accident a day anymore. SJ on the other hand...has YET to go on the potty. I take that back. He did poop once, but it was only because I left him there so dang long SOMETHING was bound to just happen eventually. It's like he's scared of what will happen. He'll go very willingly to the toilet, but then just sit there. Then he'll go in the other room and piss on the floor. UGH. SO.VERY.FRUSTRATING.

But...all in time, right?

SIGH

Case of the Blah's

It's been a rough week. My husband's grandmother passed away Friday morning. He was very close to her, as were his sisters and cousins, so everyone was taking it pretty hard. She'd been sick for awhile, and suffered quite a bit, so as hard as it was to see her go, it was definitely her time.

We had a sitter for the visitation on Sunday, but took the kids along with us to the service Monday. All-in-all, the kids did pretty well. It's hard for three-year olds to sit quiet for that length of time; but I stocked up on books, Aqua Doodles, and raisins to help pass the time. One sweet moment - SA started talking loud so RD told him he had to be quiet. SA then pointed to the open casket and said, "We don't want to wake up Grandma?" RD lost it. The tears started flowing. Ahhh...the sweet innocence of a child.

And now I'm getting ready to say bye to one of my best friends. My good friend K and her family are moving to Switzerland - her husband has been transferred there for three years. So the bad news is she will be gone for three years. The good news...she'll be back in three years. At least it's not permanent.

Now tonight RD and I are going to see The Lion King with some of his work buddies. I'm looking forward to going out to dinner beforehand, but I'm not much of a "show" person. I heard it's really good...so I'm sure I'll have a good time. *sigh* Oops...wait...that's tomorrow night. I tell ya...I'm so screwed up right now, I have no idea what day or what time it is.

Lord help me

This is what happens when you let your kids stay up to watch fireworks. You pay the next day. Boy, do you pay.

The boys were so awful today, I finally put them in their room and closed the door. They eventually fell asleep. When they woke from their nap, they were new children. AR on the other hand, well, sometime's there's just no getting her to do something she doesn't want to do. A nap today was one of those things. Now the screaming and (my) yelling has been so bad, I'm sure everyone within a five-mile radius knows we're having a bad day.

Now I'm bleeding. Yes, I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding because my daughter doesn't want to go to bed. She's so damn tired she's delirious. She refused to brush her teeth, so I had to pin her down...I maybe got three teeth clean. Then I had to carry her into bed...upside down mind you (not on purpose, it's just what happens when a three-year old is kicking and hitting you while being held)...and hold her down just long enough to plan my getaway. During this time she kicked my legs, my left cheek, my arms - and I have numerous scratches over every exposed part of my body.

Please God, make tomorrow a better day.

Oh...they're not mine.

My kids are at that age now that they truly say whatever is on their mind. We definitely have some years before their censors have formed.

One of my favorite things to read in Parents magazine, and others like it, are the embarassing things kids say. Not so funny when it comes out of your kid's mouth.

We live in what I would consider a diverse neighborhood. You always hear stories of kids seeing someone who looks different from them and making awkward comments in public. I thought, "How great! I don't have to worry about that. My kids will grow up seeing all these different races and nationalities, and they won't even see them as being different because they will be accustomed to seeing them all the time." Wrong. It just means they say these embarassing things sooner instead of later. Like SA, who likes to point and shout out, "Look Mom! A brown man!" Or ask loudly, "Why is that boy brown, Mommy?"

Then there's their grandmother who loves to joke with them about her big belly, among other things. Now the kids love to point out big bellies and say things like, "Look Mom! That girl (woman) has two chins!" Yea, I had a talk with my mom about that one.

And of course I'm the target of most of their observations. SJ rarely goes more than two days without pointing out my big belly. Which BTW, I didn't think I had until he pointed it out. And AR said I have two necks, which I'm pretty sure was in reference to my chin...or chins rather. And don't think you can let a silent (but not so sweet) fart slip out in Target without one of the kids yelling, "MOMMY'S POOPY!!!" No siree, I can't get away with anything.

But neither can you, so suck it in because you never know what small child might be lurking around the corner!

Long-time coming

I have finally updated my blogroll. A third if not more of my links had sites that were closed down...or about as inactive as I've been.

Wow...look at me! 4 posts in three days! Woo hoo! Is this a comeback?

Please check this out

One of my good friends has recently started a blog. It's about her experience living with depression, as well as this great idea she has on how to help deal with it.

Please stop by to say hi!

This Crazy Idea

Loosening the reigns

I'm trying to loosen the reigns a bit with my children. I'm not what I consider an overprotective mom really, but when you have three small ones, my God things can spiral out of control in a matter of seconds. But the kids aren't exactly toddlers anymore, and the need to be watching their every move is no longer necessary, nor is it practical.

Before if the kids went upstairs to play, I went upstairs. I'm a get-down-on-the-floor-and-play-with-the-kids kind of mom, but I would always encourage them to play on their own at times as well...but I was never far. Keeping such a short leash on them has caused many meltdowns - their's and mine. Now they can play upstairs and I'll go about my business downstairs, doing laundry, cleaning, etc., and to my amazement, they've done great. I know this sounds crazy to some, but until you've experienced life with triplets, no judging! ;) You're probably wondering how did I ever get anything done?! It's not that I never just went to another side of the house for awhile, it's just that I'm now allowing more room for trust - within reason, they are only 3 - and I'm giving us all a little more space.

Maybe now we'll all be able to breathe a little easier.

*CRASH*

What was that noise?!

Pass the Pledge, please...

so that I may dust off this ole' thing.

Wow. I haven't posted in a looong time!! A good friend of mine recently started a blog, and I thought I might stop by my own for a change.

Where I have I been? I guess you could say I got caught up in life. You know...the usual chaos. In the beginning, I was in quite the funk and was so tired of listening to myself bitch about everything, I no longer had the energy to put it into writing. The main reason for my funk was our two mortgages - which by the way, for those that were around way back when, we sold the house!!! We are now the proud owners of not two, but one lovely home. Phew! What a relief!

My other downer is me and my fatt ass. Boy, have I let myself go. I never could understand those people that lose weight in stressful situations. I love to eat. LoveLoveLove food. If I'm sad, I eat...mad, I eat...happy, let's eat! Well, given the past year - the house, the crazy kids - it was just too much. Though I've been good about exercise - almost to the point of obsession - my eating habits could use much improvement. Now that things are looking up financially, I'm working on stuffing my face less.

The other reason I've stayed away, is as boring as my calendar is, I've been so damn busy. The kids! The kids! The kids! As many people say in passing when they see us on the street, "Yes, I have my hands full!" Raising three 3-year olds is exhausting. Fall-on-the-floor-and-moan exhausting. Then to top it off, we moved in this huge house that I'm somehow expected to clean (okay, that's a battle all my own), I feel there's little time for me. Waahhh-waaahhh-waaaah! Didn't I say I was tired of listening to myself bitch? Okay, I'll stop.

Anyway, that's where I've been. I'm not going to say I'm going to post more and be better about stopping by all those blogs I used to frequent, because I just can't say. I could have all the best intentions, but then a month or two later...oops! Wasn't I going to blog more? Wasn't I going to call my grandma? Wasn't I supposed to return that book to Jen? Wasn't I going to clean out the car? My mental to-do list is neverending. But I can say, I will TRY. :)

Title Schmitle

I might as well close this. I never post anymore. Maybe I will if things start to look up, but right now I don't see that happening any time soon. And quite frankly, I just don't care.

I'm in a low place right now. We still haven't sold our other house. What the hell were we thinking? What the hell was I thinking? It's my fault. RD never would have bought this house if I wasn't in such a panic over having to move out of this neighborhood.

Aside from all our money woes, I'm just worn out. Stretched to my limit. The kids are wonderful and so much fun at this age...yet so much work. They're easier in so many ways (they'll be three in less than two weeks!), yet so damn exhausting. I'm just going, going, going. Always. I'm a big day dreamer. I could sit on the couch and daydream for hours. Seriously. But I've found I can't even sit through one thought. I'm up, down, up, down...running here, running there. "Mom...Mom...Mom...Mommy!!!!" is all hear all day. Our kids narrate the entire day, which is wonderful, it really is, but then I want to scream, "Just STOP TALKING. Just for a minute. Please!!" Isn't that awful?

I'm tired. I'm crabby all the time. RD and I have never fought this much.

Then there's this house. Why in hell did we have to buy such a huge house? I love it. I really do, but it's so much work. I'm cleaning constantly. It never ends.

I'm tired. Wait...I said that already. Well...anyway...I need some hope. I know I need to just be thankful for our health and all that crap...blahblahblah...I am...but damn it...this is just so hard.