One of the reasons I stopped blogging before was because all I ever did was bitch about one thing or another, well, that's a great thing about having a blog. All those things you can't say, well just vent away to the anonymous world.
I'm stressed. The kids are three and it is proving to be the hardest age for me so far. They're constantly battling each other, me, RD...my chest is always so tight...I'm always so damn tense. Everything's a test. How far will they let me go? It's driving me insane. I love my children immensely, but I feel like I'm spending too much time not enjoying my children. I feel guilty typing that...I feel guilty just thinking that...but I need to find some sort of balance in my life. I can't keep waiting for things to get easier, because that's not going to happen. Sure, some things will get easier, but bigger challenges still await. I realize that. The only thing I can do is find a way to deal with things better. But how? I don't want to be the mom that looks at this as a job. I don't want to keep going through the motions, you know? Because that's what I'm doing. Going through the motions. I need to find my place. Find my purpose and embrace it. Wow...now I'm sounding a bit dramatic...but damn, I have to do something...
Now for some totally random thoughts that have irked me over the past weeks...
You know what really pisses me off? When I'm putting my groceries on the check-out belt, and the person ahead of me has all their crap spread out, instead of pushed/stacked together. It's nice to get started putting my heaping, overflowing cart of groceries on the belt when I have as much as I do. It's really aggravating when the person in front of you has...let's say...milk, grapes, tampons, cheese all in a line...spread out on the belt, when they could scooch them together so I could start unloading. I'm just saying.
It's inevitable...it's bound to happen, but every time we have a party or holiday at our house it seems nearly half cancel. It's frustrating. Last Thanksgiving we started with 27 planning on attending, come the night before (of course once all the food was bought) we were down to 10. TEN! We had a BBQ this past weekend and had 7 cancel (which 2 of ended up coming anyway). Kids were sick, etc. Totally understandable, and it was still a good turnout, but frustrating nonetheless. Again, it's just bound to happen when you're having people over, but it's my blog and I can still bitch. :)
Why am I such a sucker for house parties? You know...the selling books, house stuff, etc. parties? I'm having a book party this week. It always sounds like such a good idea at the time...you go to someone else's party and they give you the spiel about how you'd be helping this hostess out, you'll benefit as well...sure! Why not?! Then the time comes and I have to ask myself, "Why did I agree to this?" Ugh. I'm such a pushover.
At the gym, there's only a limited number of elliptical machines that have the arm thingies (sorry...don't know correct term) that you use along with the stair-stepper part. That's the machine I like...and it really ticks me off when someone uses it and doesn't use the arm part!!! When there are plenty of other stair steppers w/o the arm thingie if they're not going to use it. I know the arm thingie ones have great fans overhead, but if you're going to use that machine...USE IT!
Okay...I'm done for now. I feel much better. :)
