Am I a bad mom? I tell ya...some days I really feel like it. I do my best. I really do. I start my day with all the best intentions, but then they start screaming, whining, crying, hitting...and all my good intentions go out the window. I have prided myself in being a patient mom. A mom who listens. Who thinks before she reacts. Some days I am successful. Other days...I'm waiting for a neighbor to knock on my door to ask if everything's okay.
I think my kids are good kids. I do. But even the best of kids have horrible moments. Unfortunately some days have more moments than others. Some of those moments are...GASP...in public...in front of...GULP...witnesses. Before having kids I remember seeing other people's children have tantrums in public. I did what, let's face it, what most people do...watch and listen to see how "the mom" is going to handle it. Sure you try not to look like you're watching/listening, but it's hard not to when World War 3 is going on right in front of you. I would think two things, 1) My kids will NOT act like that in public. They will know better, and 2) If I was that mother I would have handled that totally different. Well...as I said, that was before I had little monsters of my own. I say monster in the most loving way. Like I said, my kids are good kids. Viewing other kids I often think, "Wow...my kids are so much better behaved than their's." Sounds awful I know, but you get so much negative as a mom, sometimes you gotta throw yourself a bone. As I often do...I'm getting off track.... let's just say I've eaten my words. I handle each moment the best I can. And of course the way you deal with something at home is almost always going to be different than how you would handle something in the middle of say Target or Home Depot. I wonder how many future mom's I've encountered while braving the stores with my three children - how many of these women said to themselves, "I so wouldn't have handled that that way" or "what a brat!" To these women...you just wait.
What's prompted me to post an entry after how many months? I'm tired. Exhausted. At my wit's end. Over-f-ing-whelmed. Maybe it's because it's summer...maybe things will get better once preschool starts again, but I feel like my role as mother has been replaced with the role of Referee, they do nothing but fightfightfight; and let's not forget housekeeper, cook, social coordinator, driver, and wife (you know what wifely duties I'm talking about). I'm spent. I complain to my husband and his basic response is that "don't you think I'm tired?" or something along the lines of "you're doing what every other mom has to do...what makes you different?" He totally misses the point. I'm not saying he doesn't work hard. I know he does, but that doesn't take away from what I do. And I'm not saying I'm the only overworked, underappreciated mom/wife out there. No I'm not in a unique situation, but that doesn't make life any easier.
I love my life...it's just...so damn hard sometimes.
