The Nagging Post

One of the reasons I stopped blogging before was because all I ever did was bitch about one thing or another, well, that's a great thing about having a blog. All those things you can't say, well just vent away to the anonymous world.

I'm stressed. The kids are three and it is proving to be the hardest age for me so far. They're constantly battling each other, me, RD...my chest is always so tight...I'm always so damn tense. Everything's a test. How far will they let me go? It's driving me insane. I love my children immensely, but I feel like I'm spending too much time not enjoying my children. I feel guilty typing that...I feel guilty just thinking that...but I need to find some sort of balance in my life. I can't keep waiting for things to get easier, because that's not going to happen. Sure, some things will get easier, but bigger challenges still await. I realize that. The only thing I can do is find a way to deal with things better. But how? I don't want to be the mom that looks at this as a job. I don't want to keep going through the motions, you know? Because that's what I'm doing. Going through the motions. I need to find my place. Find my purpose and embrace it. Wow...now I'm sounding a bit dramatic...but damn, I have to do something...

Now for some totally random thoughts that have irked me over the past weeks...

You know what really pisses me off? When I'm putting my groceries on the check-out belt, and the person ahead of me has all their crap spread out, instead of pushed/stacked together. It's nice to get started putting my heaping, overflowing cart of groceries on the belt when I have as much as I do. It's really aggravating when the person in front of you has...let's say...milk, grapes, tampons, cheese all in a line...spread out on the belt, when they could scooch them together so I could start unloading. I'm just saying.

It's inevitable...it's bound to happen, but every time we have a party or holiday at our house it seems nearly half cancel. It's frustrating. Last Thanksgiving we started with 27 planning on attending, come the night before (of course once all the food was bought) we were down to 10. TEN! We had a BBQ this past weekend and had 7 cancel (which 2 of ended up coming anyway). Kids were sick, etc. Totally understandable, and it was still a good turnout, but frustrating nonetheless. Again, it's just bound to happen when you're having people over, but it's my blog and I can still bitch. :)

Why am I such a sucker for house parties? You know...the selling books, house stuff, etc. parties? I'm having a book party this week. It always sounds like such a good idea at the time...you go to someone else's party and they give you the spiel about how you'd be helping this hostess out, you'll benefit as well...sure! Why not?! Then the time comes and I have to ask myself, "Why did I agree to this?" Ugh. I'm such a pushover.

At the gym, there's only a limited number of elliptical machines that have the arm thingies (sorry...don't know correct term) that you use along with the stair-stepper part. That's the machine I like...and it really ticks me off when someone uses it and doesn't use the arm part!!! When there are plenty of other stair steppers w/o the arm thingie if they're not going to use it. I know the arm thingie ones have great fans overhead, but if you're going to use that machine...USE IT!

Okay...I'm done for now. I feel much better. :)

Potty Training

AR was a piece of cake to potty train. She walked up to me one day and said, "Mama, I want to wear big girl panties and go potty on the big girl potty like you." I put her in big girl panties and she's been in them ever since. That was 8 months ago. The boys on the other hand...not so easy. I've made several attempts, and I KNOW that one of the worst things you can do is to be wishy washy - putting them in underwear, then back in diapers, then back in underwear, and so on - but after cleaning up the pee and poop of two boys for several days, you might consider throwing in the towel, too! We even had to switch schools. The preschool they were registered at (which was where they went for "Mommy's Day Out" last year) has a NO DIAPERS policy. I tried and tried and decided instead of pressuring the boys, I was going to let it happen when it happens, and change schools. Now...I wasn't totally bummed about this because the only school that would take them (other than one that I vetoed immediately after just a phone call...long story) was one that I had wanted all along. But this place is pricey. Crazy pricey. But the kids need some schoolin', right? And we can afford it, we (or I should say I) just need to do some re-prioritizing. It's super close, and several of the kids in the neighborhood go there, so there will be many familiar faces.

Back to the potty-training...the school Director said it is their school policy as well that the kids be potty trained, but she's willing to work with us. Quite frankly, I think they just really want our business, but whatever. She said as long as we continue working with them at home, they will work with them at school as well. She said that she will tell the teachers that she will be responsible for whatever messes there are if it becomes a problem. Sooooo...here we are. They start September 4. SA has made remarkable progress. I'm close to saying he's potty trained, but not quite yet. He's made it as long as two days without an accident; and he rarely has more than one accident a day anymore. SJ on the other hand...has YET to go on the potty. I take that back. He did poop once, but it was only because I left him there so dang long SOMETHING was bound to just happen eventually. It's like he's scared of what will happen. He'll go very willingly to the toilet, but then just sit there. Then he'll go in the other room and piss on the floor. UGH. SO.VERY.FRUSTRATING.

But...all in time, right?

SIGH

Case of the Blah's

It's been a rough week. My husband's grandmother passed away Friday morning. He was very close to her, as were his sisters and cousins, so everyone was taking it pretty hard. She'd been sick for awhile, and suffered quite a bit, so as hard as it was to see her go, it was definitely her time.

We had a sitter for the visitation on Sunday, but took the kids along with us to the service Monday. All-in-all, the kids did pretty well. It's hard for three-year olds to sit quiet for that length of time; but I stocked up on books, Aqua Doodles, and raisins to help pass the time. One sweet moment - SA started talking loud so RD told him he had to be quiet. SA then pointed to the open casket and said, "We don't want to wake up Grandma?" RD lost it. The tears started flowing. Ahhh...the sweet innocence of a child.

And now I'm getting ready to say bye to one of my best friends. My good friend K and her family are moving to Switzerland - her husband has been transferred there for three years. So the bad news is she will be gone for three years. The good news...she'll be back in three years. At least it's not permanent.

Now tonight RD and I are going to see The Lion King with some of his work buddies. I'm looking forward to going out to dinner beforehand, but I'm not much of a "show" person. I heard it's really good...so I'm sure I'll have a good time. *sigh* Oops...wait...that's tomorrow night. I tell ya...I'm so screwed up right now, I have no idea what day or what time it is.

Lord help me

This is what happens when you let your kids stay up to watch fireworks. You pay the next day. Boy, do you pay.

The boys were so awful today, I finally put them in their room and closed the door. They eventually fell asleep. When they woke from their nap, they were new children. AR on the other hand, well, sometime's there's just no getting her to do something she doesn't want to do. A nap today was one of those things. Now the screaming and (my) yelling has been so bad, I'm sure everyone within a five-mile radius knows we're having a bad day.

Now I'm bleeding. Yes, I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding because my daughter doesn't want to go to bed. She's so damn tired she's delirious. She refused to brush her teeth, so I had to pin her down...I maybe got three teeth clean. Then I had to carry her into bed...upside down mind you (not on purpose, it's just what happens when a three-year old is kicking and hitting you while being held)...and hold her down just long enough to plan my getaway. During this time she kicked my legs, my left cheek, my arms - and I have numerous scratches over every exposed part of my body.

Please God, make tomorrow a better day.

Oh...they're not mine.

My kids are at that age now that they truly say whatever is on their mind. We definitely have some years before their censors have formed.

One of my favorite things to read in Parents magazine, and others like it, are the embarassing things kids say. Not so funny when it comes out of your kid's mouth.

We live in what I would consider a diverse neighborhood. You always hear stories of kids seeing someone who looks different from them and making awkward comments in public. I thought, "How great! I don't have to worry about that. My kids will grow up seeing all these different races and nationalities, and they won't even see them as being different because they will be accustomed to seeing them all the time." Wrong. It just means they say these embarassing things sooner instead of later. Like SA, who likes to point and shout out, "Look Mom! A brown man!" Or ask loudly, "Why is that boy brown, Mommy?"

Then there's their grandmother who loves to joke with them about her big belly, among other things. Now the kids love to point out big bellies and say things like, "Look Mom! That girl (woman) has two chins!" Yea, I had a talk with my mom about that one.

And of course I'm the target of most of their observations. SJ rarely goes more than two days without pointing out my big belly. Which BTW, I didn't think I had until he pointed it out. And AR said I have two necks, which I'm pretty sure was in reference to my chin...or chins rather. And don't think you can let a silent (but not so sweet) fart slip out in Target without one of the kids yelling, "MOMMY'S POOPY!!!" No siree, I can't get away with anything.

But neither can you, so suck it in because you never know what small child might be lurking around the corner!

Long-time coming

I have finally updated my blogroll. A third if not more of my links had sites that were closed down...or about as inactive as I've been.

Wow...look at me! 4 posts in three days! Woo hoo! Is this a comeback?

Please check this out

One of my good friends has recently started a blog. It's about her experience living with depression, as well as this great idea she has on how to help deal with it.

Please stop by to say hi!

This Crazy Idea

Loosening the reigns

I'm trying to loosen the reigns a bit with my children. I'm not what I consider an overprotective mom really, but when you have three small ones, my God things can spiral out of control in a matter of seconds. But the kids aren't exactly toddlers anymore, and the need to be watching their every move is no longer necessary, nor is it practical.

Before if the kids went upstairs to play, I went upstairs. I'm a get-down-on-the-floor-and-play-with-the-kids kind of mom, but I would always encourage them to play on their own at times as well...but I was never far. Keeping such a short leash on them has caused many meltdowns - their's and mine. Now they can play upstairs and I'll go about my business downstairs, doing laundry, cleaning, etc., and to my amazement, they've done great. I know this sounds crazy to some, but until you've experienced life with triplets, no judging! ;) You're probably wondering how did I ever get anything done?! It's not that I never just went to another side of the house for awhile, it's just that I'm now allowing more room for trust - within reason, they are only 3 - and I'm giving us all a little more space.

Maybe now we'll all be able to breathe a little easier.

*CRASH*

What was that noise?!

Pass the Pledge, please...

so that I may dust off this ole' thing.

Wow. I haven't posted in a looong time!! A good friend of mine recently started a blog, and I thought I might stop by my own for a change.

Where I have I been? I guess you could say I got caught up in life. You know...the usual chaos. In the beginning, I was in quite the funk and was so tired of listening to myself bitch about everything, I no longer had the energy to put it into writing. The main reason for my funk was our two mortgages - which by the way, for those that were around way back when, we sold the house!!! We are now the proud owners of not two, but one lovely home. Phew! What a relief!

My other downer is me and my fatt ass. Boy, have I let myself go. I never could understand those people that lose weight in stressful situations. I love to eat. LoveLoveLove food. If I'm sad, I eat...mad, I eat...happy, let's eat! Well, given the past year - the house, the crazy kids - it was just too much. Though I've been good about exercise - almost to the point of obsession - my eating habits could use much improvement. Now that things are looking up financially, I'm working on stuffing my face less.

The other reason I've stayed away, is as boring as my calendar is, I've been so damn busy. The kids! The kids! The kids! As many people say in passing when they see us on the street, "Yes, I have my hands full!" Raising three 3-year olds is exhausting. Fall-on-the-floor-and-moan exhausting. Then to top it off, we moved in this huge house that I'm somehow expected to clean (okay, that's a battle all my own), I feel there's little time for me. Waahhh-waaahhh-waaaah! Didn't I say I was tired of listening to myself bitch? Okay, I'll stop.

Anyway, that's where I've been. I'm not going to say I'm going to post more and be better about stopping by all those blogs I used to frequent, because I just can't say. I could have all the best intentions, but then a month or two later...oops! Wasn't I going to blog more? Wasn't I going to call my grandma? Wasn't I supposed to return that book to Jen? Wasn't I going to clean out the car? My mental to-do list is neverending. But I can say, I will TRY. :)

Title Schmitle

I might as well close this. I never post anymore. Maybe I will if things start to look up, but right now I don't see that happening any time soon. And quite frankly, I just don't care.

I'm in a low place right now. We still haven't sold our other house. What the hell were we thinking? What the hell was I thinking? It's my fault. RD never would have bought this house if I wasn't in such a panic over having to move out of this neighborhood.

Aside from all our money woes, I'm just worn out. Stretched to my limit. The kids are wonderful and so much fun at this age...yet so much work. They're easier in so many ways (they'll be three in less than two weeks!), yet so damn exhausting. I'm just going, going, going. Always. I'm a big day dreamer. I could sit on the couch and daydream for hours. Seriously. But I've found I can't even sit through one thought. I'm up, down, up, down...running here, running there. "Mom...Mom...Mom...Mommy!!!!" is all hear all day. Our kids narrate the entire day, which is wonderful, it really is, but then I want to scream, "Just STOP TALKING. Just for a minute. Please!!" Isn't that awful?

I'm tired. I'm crabby all the time. RD and I have never fought this much.

Then there's this house. Why in hell did we have to buy such a huge house? I love it. I really do, but it's so much work. I'm cleaning constantly. It never ends.

I'm tired. Wait...I said that already. Well...anyway...I need some hope. I know I need to just be thankful for our health and all that crap...blahblahblah...I am...but damn it...this is just so hard.

So she says mom can't interpret forever

Our 'Parents as Teachers' lady came today. We again had the "the-boys'-speech-is-not-where-it-should-be talk". We had this talk 10 months ago or so, then they 'caught up'. Now here we are again.

At this age, which is 32 months 17 days to be exact, children progress at warp speed - where improvement is needed things often just fall into place, and other times a little guidance is needed. Again, as we did 10 months ago, we wait. Wait and see what progress they do or don't make in the months ahead then re-assess. As a mom I can't help but ask myself what am I doing to help...or hinder...the situation. I'm doing my best, but I can't help but wonder is my best good enough? I know I shouldn't put this on me...they're triplets, it's common...they're boys, again it's common...I just hate it when things are out of my control.

But as it seems with most everything, you worry and worry, and things just have a way of working out. Our PIT had a good point, she said, "Just when you get seriously concerned and take action, they get it - and you wish they would just STOP TALKING. haha"

Not because I'm a mom. I just like classy.

We get it people! You're skinny!

This drove me nuts when Janet Jackson lost all that weight, now we have to go through it with Britney Spears. It is possible to look skinny without going around half naked. It is possible to look SEXY without baring it all...or without your boobs pushed up to your chin (that's a Janet-thing).

Because you know what, Britney? You may be skinny, but you still look like trash.

Could they be any cuter?

Me (to AR): I'll take the snacks, let's go get your brothers.
AR (grabbing my butt): I'll take your bobo, mommy.

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SJ (to SA): Holding tissue up to SA's nose...Blow, SA.
SA: blows into tissue
SJ: Again. (copying how I do each nostril by applying pressure to the other)

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SA: As I'm changing his diaper... Bye-bye poo poo. Bye-bye!

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AR: I'm sad, Mommy.
Me: Oh, AR, why?
AR: You sad, too.
Me: I am?
AR: Yes. Reaches over to give me a big hug...squeezing really hard.
AR: I better, mommy.
Me: Oh good!
AR: You better, too. Big smile.

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SA: Pointing to rear of man who came to fix our shower door. Nice bobo. Man bobo.
Me: Searching this guy's face for any sign he heard what my crazy, adorable child just said - luckily finding none.

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SJ: I stink.

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Me: I walk into AR's room to find her completely naked, poo all over her bed. GASP!
AR: Mouth falls open, mimicking my gasp...What did I do?!?!

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Me (to SA): How old are you?
SA: Two
Me: How old am I?
SA: Old

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Me: I farted.
AR: Pointing to my rear...Mommy poopy

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Me: I fart once again.
SJ: Mommy, you stink. Yes, I have a gas problem.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween was a blast! SA was a monkey, SJ was a chicken, and AR was a ladybug.

It was hilarious...all night they were referring to each other as their characters - "Hey monkey, come here...Get back here, chicken." It was their first go at trick or treating and they caught on real quick.

I have to say though, candy is evil. Other than the damage it's doing to my hips, it's brought out Bad Mommy. AR was having a raging tantrum on the floor. There was nothing I could do to calm her down. Lightbulb..."AR, want a piece of candy?" Fit over. I'm so bad.

First Day of School

The kids started preschool yesterday. Amazingly, they did great! I don't know why I was surprised. I guess I just didn't know what to expect. They gave us a kiss and sent us on our way. They ran to the craft table as soon as we entered, so watercolors win over mommy every time. ;)

SJ gave them a little trouble at naptime, but AR and SA went down immediately. Their teacher said not to expect such a happy experience everytime. She said in her experience the second and third week is always harder on the new kids, because by then they "get" that mommy is leaving for a few HOURS.

For now, I'm happy, they're happy, all is good. I had some reservations going into this - worried that I was starting them too soon. After seeing them playing and interacting with the other kids, I know this will be a great experience for them. I think this much-needed me-time is going to do mommy good, too!

Heaven Help Me

I truly believe God gives mothers super human powers - powers that keep them from strangling their children on days like this.

Bloody awful. My children have been bloody awful. One more awful than the others. AR. What happened to my sweet little girl? Sure my kids do some highly-annoying two-year old things, they act up, they scream - but they're two, it's expected. But overall they are really good kids. They say please, thank you, they give each other kisses and hugs throughout the day. They mind...most of the time.

Now they're starting school in two days, and some sort of evil spirit has taken over my daughter. This has been one of the worst days I've had in a long, long time. She has been hitting her brothers all day - sometimes with her hand, other times with a hard toy. She threw her crayons off the table as a signal she's done; tossed her food off the table as a signal of her disapproval of meal choice. I've taken toys away, she marches - no, skips - to time-out, I've spanked (something I do only when at the very, very end of my rope), nothing works.

Then *WACK*, she hits SA over the head with a plastic bird house. What do I notice in her other hand? Her most-prized possession - her Dora doll. Finally a toy she really cares about. I've got something now. I swipe Dora out of her hand, stoop down to tell her what she did wrong...blahblahblah...then put Dora in AR's crib - where she can't reach her. "Dora is going to bed because you've been mean. She's staying there until you go to bed. Which will be early the way we're going."

This was about 30 minutes before bedtime, and she repeatedly kept asking for 'My Dora.' When I would say no and explain again why Dora was sleeping, AR would reply, "Ohhhhhhhhhhh," with her bottom lip out. I can't describe exactly, but she did this so cute, I was thankful to have something to laugh at finally.

Now the boys are sleeping and AR's still in her bed screaming her lungs out. I'm so done. What a long, awful day.

Thank you, Lord, for the powers you have given me.

On a scale of 1-10, I'll give it an 11

That scale being the Cheese Factor.

I'm talking about the "Grey's Anatomy" MUSIC VIDEO that played after tonight's episode. You don't get more cheesy than that. THAT BEING SAID, yes I thoroughly enjoyed it. I even teared up not once, not twice, but THREE times. I am truly, truly a dork. What can I say? I haven't loved a show this much since "Sex and the City" - may it rest in peace.

Feeling Randy

Okay...so I haven't exactly been posting regularly as promised, but I do have an excuse! Maybe not a good one, but I do have one. Since we are carrying two mortgages - thank you by the way to the people who have labeled us as brave, I think RD and I would probalby choose another word - we are cutting back wherever we can. Even the little things - like Internet service. Obviously, we still have access, but we have just the basics; meaning, painfully slow. It makes it painful to browse the Internet, much less try to post anything. I've even been by many of your sites, but have given up on trying to post comments until it stops resulting in my wanting to throw my keyboard out the window. So for now, I'll just post a bunch of random crap.

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As you can see above, we still have not sold our 'other' house. Interest has picked up, so we haven't thrown ourselves into total despair just yet. One couple keeps showing up at open houses, making appointments with their againt, and have gone as far as to take measurements...yet still no offer. We need someone like me and RD to come look at the house - someone who takes all of an hour to decide this is where they need to be for the rest of their life, or the next few years anyway - and make an offer. *sigh* Keep wishing.

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Since we're on the topic of our house, or houses rather, I have been forced to "chill the 'F' out" as I've been told many times. When we moved into our last house, I swore that we would never buy a house any bigger because it was already too much to clean. As you may or may not have read in prior posts, cleaning is a bit of an obsession of mine. To give you an example, I've even rubbed off on one of my sons. If he spills some food, he immediately starts screaming, "Mess! Mess!" until someone cleans it up. Sick, I know. I think we all could use some sort of therapy. No my children are not neglected by my obsession, so you can spare me the hate-mails telling me I need to stop cleaning and start spending some quality time with my children. I save most of my cleaning for nap time or for after the kids go to bed for the night. Besides, doesn't Oobi count as quality time if mom needs to get a few things done. ;) Anyway, the house we have moved into is about 900 square feet bigger than our last house, which was already more than I could manage. But instead of driving myself mad trying to keep Swiffer in business, I've finally said, "Fuck it." Yes, for those who know me, I really did just say fuck. Gasp! I can't possibly keep up unless we hire a cleaning service, which we obviously have no money left over to do, so that's right, fuck it. I actually went almost two weeks without mopping our floors. Really! Look out world, she's carefree and she won't even care if someone stops by unannounced before the lunch dishes have been cleared. We'll see how long this carefree-attitude lasts.

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The kids...my wonderful kids. They just keep getting cuter and it just amazes me how much they are learning everyday. Our Parents as Teachers lady came by the other day. Based on her observations and screenings, our three are all where they should be now in the area of speech. This was a concern of our's for awhile, but it seems they have really made great progress since her last visit. I was anxious to hear what she had to say, because it's hard to make an accurate judgment when you're with the kids 24/7. It was nice getting her feedback after she went a couple months without seeing them. They start school in a few weeks. Not really school, but they'll be in a program called "Noah's Nook," which is a Mother's Day Out program, two days a week. As excited as I am for them to start - excited for them to learn - excited for ME TIME - I know it's going to be hard for me. I know the kids will have a blast minutes after I walk out the door, but AR in particular, is going to have a complete meltdown when it's time for me to leave. I can already see myself bawling in the car after I drop them off. It's a big step for all of us.

You know you're a Mom when...

www.noggin.com

I'm sitting all alone, flipping through the channels and stop on Oobi when I quickly notice, "Hey! I haven't seen this one before!"

Buckle Up! It's going to be a b-b-b-b-bumpy ride!

My weight is a roller-coaster ride on crack. You may see me one day and think, "Damn, she's lost a lot of weight...looking good," then a month or two later think, "What the hell happened to her?" It's a neverending cycle with me. I get fed up with my weight. Fed up with nothing in my closet fitting my fat ass, so then I, for the zillionth time, get back to my Weight Watcher's diet...lose a lot of weight...start feeling good about myself...good enough to feel like it won't hurt to have a burger or two...then before I know it I am right back where I started. Then I get fed up and the cycle starts all over again.

I was doing so well with exercising regularly, then I got a cold, got off track, and never went back. Bye-bye firm thighs. Okay, so my thighs weren't exactly firm, but if I were to jump up and down, there definitely were fewer jelly jumps. Now...I don't even want to talk about it. I'm disgusted with myself.

One of my biggest problems is finishing up whatevever the kids don't eat. And let me tell you...these kids love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but so do I, and they always leave just enough for me to get my peanut butter fix. I'll eat my healthy turkey on wheat sandwich, then polish off their pb&j's.

I need an intervention.