The Innocence of a Child

I'm just sick. So disgusted. There is a local news story running right now about a 2 1/2 year old girl who was abducted over the night. Her dad had a friend over lastnight - it turns out this friend abducted her at some point in the night and sexually assaulted her. They're not releasing many details right now, but they are saying that she is conscious and shows signs of sexual assault.

I feel physically ill. This poor girl. How could this happen? They showed this sick man being taken away in handcuffs. I felt this overwhelming urge to inflict physical pain on this piece of shit. She's just a child!! There's absolutely NO excuse to force yourself on anyone, but an innocent child? My mind just can not process how anyone can do this. My only hope is that this child is young enough that she will have no memory of this. No, that's not my only hope, I also hope some big, burly man makes this sicko his bitch when he makes it to prison.

This would have upset me before I had children, but the anger and pain I feel for children who have suffered is so much more intense now that I'm a parent. I find it very hard not to picture my own children in these situations. I've told RD that if anything ever happens to one of our kids, if they are ever a victim, he could count on spending his weekends visiting me in jail. I don't think that I could curb my hunger, my need for revenge. The maternal need to protect your children is so strong.

We were watching "Cold Files" (I think that's the name...or is it "Cold Case"?) on CBS lastnight (it's not something we normally watch, but we were having a hell of a time finding anything good on). It was about these three boys that were molested by their swim coach, and how they followed through on a plan to kill him. I kept tearing up during the assault scenes - I turned to RD and said, "Doesn't it bother you to watch this? I can't help but picture SJ and SA." RD, "You can't. You can't do that every time you see something like this, you'll drive yourself crazy." He's right, but I just can't stop myself.

Even in commercials! There's a Mastercard commercial out right now where they follow the kid through swimming lessons, driving lessons, etc...then show him going off to college and say: "learning to let go......learning to let go...PRICELESS". It gets me every time. RD will just look at me and laugh.

We were watching a new show on TLC lastnight, "Body Work" (it's pretty good); one of the stories they were following were these 6 month old twins from the Caymen (sp?) Islands that were having surgery to correct their cleft lips. Seeing those sweet babies, who were the same size as AR, with their eyes taped up for the surgery...seeing them in recovery...it was just too much for me. Our kids had been asleep for hours, but I wanted so bad to go in and hold them.

I have never cried so much as I have now that I have kids. I've become this emotional timebomb. For awhile I kept blaming it on hormones leftover from my pregnancy, but it's six months later...something tells me it's not pregnancy hormones anymore. ;) Before the kids came I was really uncomfortable crying in front of people. RD could probably count on one hand (w/fingers left over) how many times he had seen my cry before I was pregnant. I just didn't do it - not in front of him anyway. Maybe I'm just making up for lost time.

Back to the little girl...please keep her in your prayers. What fate lies ahead for the bastard that did this to her...well...I don't know that it's right for me to pray to God asking him to make this guy someone's bitch, but I will be praying for justice...the bitch part would be an added bonus. :)