...so hard, honey, honey...she works hard for her money, so you better treat her right...that's right... - Donna Summer
Sorry, I got carried away there! LOL
Something has been nagging me lately, and some days it bothers me more than others. Let me start by saying that RD is a wonderful husband and father. I know he loves me and adores the kids. This is a problem, or concern rather, that I've had for awhile now. I love being a SAHM, and wouldn't change that for anything, but it can be a lonely and thankless job at times.
Friends, family, even strangers give me kudos for what I do; they say what a wonderful job I'm doing, what tough work it is, how tiring it must be, etc. I get that pat on the back from everyone other than the one person I really need to hear it from. My husband. I know he appreciates what I do, but I'm not so sure he knows exactly how much I do.
We finally talked about it the other night, and I realized I'm not alone in my frustrations. I don't think he's helping enough, and he thinks I'm asking too much. We did finally agree that we are each expecting too much from the other. Now the problem is, how do we meet in the middle?
I've complained to him about being lonely, being tired. He doesn't understand. He says, "All you've ever talked about is being a stay-at-home-mom. Now you're complaining? Isn't this what you wanted?" Yes! This is what I wanted; but even the best jobs can be frustrating, at times ungratifying, and often drain every last bit of energy out of you.
This isn't an everyday problem for me. As I've said in previous postings, I love, love, love my babies, love being at home with them, but some days are much (MUCH) harder than others. It seems with teething, growing pains, you-name-it, there have been more of the harder days than usual lately. RD has had a pretty easy schedule this month, so I was anticipating having more help from him. Maybe even (gasp!) getting out of the house ALONE a time or two...maybe three. The few times I have been out, I don't get too far w/o receiving a call on my cell phone from him asking when I'll be back.
As I've mentioned before, I've been having a helluva time getting sleep lately. Lastnight was awful. I laid in bed awake for close to two hours - then once I fell asleep, I was waking up every 1-1 1/2 hours...greeted with another battle to fall back to sleep. When the alarm went off this morning, there was no way I was getting up. I was finally having a good stretch of sleep. I rolled over to RD and asked him if he would please get up and feed the babies. I explained I didn't get much sleep...blahblahblah...I had to ask him a few times. He got up to do it, but huffed and puffed and walked really heavy...his way of letting me know that he was doing it, but he wasn't happy about it.
Though I've tried explaining it to him, I don't think he realizes it's not just feeding babies, playing with babies, etc. It's also doing the laundry, keeping the house cleaned (something I do everyday, but you'd never know it unless you came at the right moment), getting myself showered and dressed for the day. He thinks b/c he works (don't get me started there...it seems what we, as SAHM, do doesn't count as work sometimes), that he should be allowed to...ah-hem...rest more when he's home.
We've at least reached the first step to coming to a healthy conclusion in all this. We've agreed that this is a problem for both of us. He needs to understand that I need a break from time to time, and I need to understand that he needs a break as well...he doesn't need to be handed a baby as soon as he walks in the door.
I was able to get out of the house today. Granted, the babies were with me, but I did get over to a girlfriend's house for lunch. She is a SAHM as well, and I almost brought it up to her. I asked her if her husband helped out when he got home, her answer was a big yes. I was so happy to be out, the last thing I wanted to do was start going on about how lonely I am, how I'm frustrated with RD, and so on - so I dropped it there.
In reality, I'm sure RD helps out a lot more than a lot of dads do. I do realize that. Parenthood is new to us, and though wonderful, it's been a big adjustment for us. We're still learning our roles - learning from each other, learning from friends and family, and learning from our sweet babies.
This may at times be a rough journey, but it's also an adventure. Nobody said this was going to be easy. ;)
